"eschew the dosas"

Every other day I go into work one person or another tells me very disapprovingly that I’ve been losing weight. I think this is either some sort of delusion based on the common belief that all American girls starve themselves or simply the effect of my t-shirts getting bigger every time I hand-wash them, because every morning I bathe and clothe substantial evidence to the contrary. Strengthening my case is the fact that the woman who sells me yogurt started handing me the “slim” variety about a month ago without any prompting. Often my co-workers will follow up such observations with intense questions about my daily diet, including how many kilos of rice I eat each day, and ultimately give me some advice, such as today when one man looked at me very seriously and said, in English, “you should eat a potato.”

So tonight I’m eating a potato, and I deep-fried it just for good measure. I’m mostly doing this because I was feeling extremely lazy, and it’s a meal that costs about 3 cents before condiments. I’ve been trying to recreate in many ways the home fries I used to make on Sunday mornings in Baltimore, but I’m missing several key ingredients here. I mentioned to a friend that I was considering taking a can of Old Bay with me to India, and he thought it was a stupid idea to bring such pedestrian seasoning to “the land of spices.” Even though I was pretty sure I didn’t remember celery salt being featured in the repertoire of “the land of spices,” my bag was already too heavy and I opted to leave the Old Bay behind. I miss it now, perhaps more than I miss my family, and I blame all the emptiness I feel in my life as I eat these potatoes on that guy. You know who you are.

Before I left the U.S. I went to a terrible ob/gyn who, after pushing the Nuva ring on me like it was crack cocaine and insisting I take pre-natal vitamins “just in case,” ended the visit by saying that my weight is healthy, and that “you don’t have to worry because how could you possibly gain weight in India it is so hot!!!” and then laughing maniacally. I mean, if you engage in physical labor or are poor it’s easy to maintain that svelte figure in this country. But basically half the people in Bengal who don’t fit into those categories have type II diabetes. And also, India is currently freezing, as the vegetable kid who sleeps in a tent right outside Andrew and Ben’s apartment remarked to me as I was leaving tonight. I was very pleased that he spoke to me, as usually he observes my comings and goings from that building listening to music on his cell phone and looking at me like I’m a total ho.

So I’m definitely gaining weight, but my clothes are naturally making room for it, and every couple of weeks someone tells me I look like I’m wasting away. It all comes out a wash? I suppose this means I’m no closer to taking the plastic wrap off of the “Shilpa Shetty’s Yoga” DVD I bought a month back. Too bad.